(An Ongoing Weight Loss Journey)
 
Sept. 2006: If you've been to this page before, you will see I've changed its theme. The previous theme was "Transitions' and depicted, on a gray background, a young girl having put aside her ball cap, jeans and sneakers and putting on what appear to be ballet shoes. I felt like that young girl, longing to transition from the slacks and baggy clothes to something feminine and flattering - and more importantly, wanting to transition my self-image from frumpy to fit. I still feel like that girl, more so than ever, having made no progress in my weight loss desires for many years and, in fact, at this writing, again being back at a few pounds short of my all-time known weight. Feeling desperate to turn this situation around, I thought I would start by changing the design of this page to that of a beautiful butterfly, ready to spread its wings and fly. I'll have a little more to say about that at the end of this page.
This "weight" section of my refuge will be an ongoing work in progress, just as my attempts to lose weight have been (more like a lack of progress), and I think most of us who have struggled with this issue can say the same thing. If it was easy, there wouldn't be so many overweight people, and there wouldn't be a multitude of books and theories about how best to deal with this problem - almost as many potential solutions as there are people who need a solution. I planned to have this weight off years ago, and I know there are millions of people with the same good intentions. As we all know, life gets in the way -- in my case, the stresses of several job changes, unsatisfactory living conditions, saying goodbye to beloved pets. Then there's just not feeling we have the time to exercise, and grabbing fast food because it's instant gratification and we want it NOW. I know how I want and need to look and feel. I just haven't felt I had the strength to go the extra mile on an ongoing basis to get and stay there. The Bible says all things are possible to God, and I talk to Him a great deal about this matter. So do millions of other people of faith. Yet just as many of us are overweight as non-believers. So what's the answer? I wrote the following paragraphs when I started this page a couple of years ago. Since then, the excess 35 lbs. I referred to have gone back up to 52, and the job I referred to, that at the time I was positive would last, didn't. Like I said....life happened.
  
Fall 2004: In my case, it's been "only" about 35 lbs. - but it's the same 35 lbs. that have been hanging around for years and make me feel frumpy and awkward, like that little girl the first time she contemplated changing her tomboy image. I feel the fact that it's "only" about 35 lbs. instead of 75, 100, 200 or more have made me somewhat complacent - that, and the fact that I have a husband who refuses to admit I look chubby. AND the fact that I sometimes live on carbohydrates and enjoy drinking Classic Coke, even though I know better and know I DO eat for the wrong reasons (reasons other than physical hunger). As I write this, I'm frustrated because I had fully intended to have the weight OFF before our 25th anniversary, 4/7/04. Even though we weren't be in a position to take a trip (other than a day trip within our state) and we weren't thrown a surprise party, still, one only has a 25th anniversary once and I still wanted the weight OFF. But of course, that wasn't be the case. All I can do is look ahead and get (re)started, even though I didn't look the way I wanted to for our anniversary.
I find some solace in the facts that, 1) I HAVE lost weight in the past and know I can do it again; it's just a matter of getting restarted and 2) My weight HAS remained fairly stable since I lost about 17 lbs. in '02. With all the stress I have been through the past few years, including our difficulty in securing lasting jobs (I finally started one I'm positive will last in November '04) and some other matters too personal to talk about on my site, even though I have overeaten, my weight has remained within 3 lbs. since I lost the weight in '02. Still, now I NEED to lose the remaining 35 and then keep stable from there! I will report my progress on this page, and hope to finally have some "after" pics to put here before the end of the year.
I was somewhat overweight in my teens and 20s, but maybe only about 15-20 lbs. When I got engaged in Nov. '78, I cut back on my food and weighed a respectable 132 on my wedding day (am 5'7" and small-boned). I guess the gain was quite gradual over the years. I did notice that I was in the 160s for a long time, and then the 170s. One day in 2000, when my clothes all seemed tight and I was feeling more sluggish than usual, I discovered to my shock that I weighed 199. That's my all-time high weight as far as I know, though at times, months have gone by without my getting up the nerve to weigh myself. I joined my local chapter of TOPS and went to the weekly meetings for about a year, but only kept off about 15 lbs. and then regained it by '02. I then lost about 17 in 3 months on my own, mainly by getting on my "Body by Jake" elliptical stepper a few times a week (genuinely hard to fit in nowadays with my work/commuting schedule), cutting back on my beloved carbs, not eating too late at night, eating only when genuinely physically hungry, and drinking naturally flavored sparkling water instead of Coke. (I won't drink beverages containing NutraSweet/aspartame as I'm convinced that it's harmful.) And as I said, I've been stuck there since Nov. '02. I've had a lot of trouble getting restarted!
I first discovered Dr. Phil McGraw at my TOPS chapter in '01. At that time, he didn't have his own show yet but had become a semi-regular guest on Oprah Winfrey's show. My TOPS chapter showed a couple of his appearances that dealt with weight, and I was really struck by his no-nonsense, common sense approach combined with understanding and humor. I became a big fan of his and watch his show as often as I can. I bought his Ultimate Weight Loss Solution book some months ago, but sheepishly admit that due to my schedule, I have not had a chance to get very far into the book. I know that the seven keys detailed in the book have helped a lot of people and I feel they will help me. As I said, it's just a matter of getting started with it.
I will be adding to this page when I begin having some personal progress to report. There are SO many reasons why I want to get these pesky 35 lbs. OFF and keep them off, that it is crazy that it is taking me so long to get restarted. But maybe things like adding this special page to my site, wanting to feel better about my appearance and get into my former size 12 again, the frustration of remaining chubby on our milestone anniversary, and needing the energy to do my best in my long-awaited return to my chosen field, will all combine to finally help me start turning the corner. To be continued!
January, 2006 - I decided once and for all that '06 is the year that I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF after, on December 9, having gradually overeaten my way back into the low 190's (and thus back up to 49 lbs. to lose), I planned to buy "a little bag of pretzels" (typical addict - "I'll just have one drink..."). But on my way to the checkout, there was the display of 10 ounce bags of sourdough pretzel nuggets on sale for 99 cents. I brought a bag home and gulped the whole thing down (with several glasses of whole milk) that same night. Then of course, I got a migraine. I realized anew how sick and tired I am of having a huge pot belly that keeps my clothing tight, looking and feeling frumpy, and especially not having the energy to cope well with my weekday schedule of having to get up by 5:15 a.m., spending 8 hours at a busy and demanding job, not getting home from work till 6:30 p.m., and feeling mentally drained all night. But as everyone knows, it's hard to start a lifestyle change during the holidays. So I continued to munch on the pistachios in the gift tins in the lunchroom at work and drink "classic Coke" at home with dinner. But as New Year's neared, I gained a new resolve. I came to realize that while there are some things in my life I don't have control over, I really DO have control over what I put in my mouth. I have cut back my food intake and it hasn't been too hard since I am finally ready to DO this. And I have gotten on my stepper a few times a week. I have also found a wonderful little online support group, where we are divided into two teams. We weigh in weekly and are encouraged to report our food and exercise each day to keep us accountable. I sadly admit to starting the year at 193. The first weigh in was just 5 days later (Saturday mornings) but I'd lost 2 lbs. I will continue to report my progress on this page, but I will say here and now that I absolutely plan to reach my goal of 144 by no later than Sept. 30 but preferably by my birthday, Sept. 6. So.... there it is. I guarantee there WILL be "after" pictures on this page in the coming months. It's about time!!
June, 2006 - When I wrote the above lines, I didn't know my job was going to be ending in a matter of weeks and I would then be jumping into the job search pool once again with little warning. This upheaval postponed my good intentions, at least for now but hopefully not for much longer. I'm tired of just talking about wanting to lose weight and not DOING what I know I must to make it happen. But if it was easy, there wouldn't be any chubby Christians, and we all know that's not true! Will post another update when I get restarted once again for real. I'm not ready yet but I WANT to be ready so that's part of the battle, I suppose....
Back to Sept. 2006. This year, which I started with such resolve that THIS would finally be the year, is 3/4 over and once again, I've made no progress. Yes, the job loss early in the year was a setback, but I recovered well from that. I have a job now that I like and where I am appreciated. I expect to finally have a lovely manufactured home with three times the living space in a matter of weeks. Things are finally falling into place -- except for one. I am so very unhappy with my appearance and so very disgusted that I still haven't gotten restarted in turning it around. My new job with its shorter commute allows this nightowl to get up at 7:00 a.m. instead of 5:15. I could be getting up at 6:15 to exercise and shower, and still sleep an hour later in the morning than I used to. At least that's what I told myself. But when you are a nightowl by nature and routinely are awake well past midnight. even 6:15 is torture. I am writing this on the first day of Labor Day weekend, and I WILL get on my stepper after I get this page up. I WILL get on my stepper the following two days. And I HAVE to start eating less, stop eating late at night, stop reaching for Coca-Cola, and all the other little steps that worked for me before. I can no longer tell myself it's "only" 40 or 50 pounds. It's still endangering my health and destroying any semblance of self-esteem I once had. This has to change and it has to change NOW. I'm tired of the empty words and promises that produce no results. I am puttin these words online today for all to see and now I must began to spread my wings and fly. To be continued......
Oct. 17, 2006 - A foggy day two weeks ago resulted in my finally having begun to turn around the years of inertia in getting started exercising regularly again to start every weekday, as opposed to a painful, occasional 12 to 20 minutes on my home stepper on a sporadic weekday here and there, which of course produced no real results. If my morning ferry is more than 10 minutes late, which will happen more now that fall is here, I miss the last bus to my workplace for over an hour and am forced to have a coworker drive 8 miles to the dock and 8 miles back to pick me up. I'd long tried to tell myself that by joining the YMCA not far from my workplace, I would not only get back into exercising, but I would not have to worry about making that bus connection. The big drawback was having to get up 1=1/4 hours earlier than I had been. But I realized I really had no choice. So starting October 4 (ten-four, good buddy! That's trucker lingo...), I get up at 5:45 (ouch) each weekday, throw on sweatclothes, quickly read my E-mail, leave just after 6:15, get to the Y about 7:10, exercise about 40 minutes (including the stepper, treadmill, ab machine and leg machine), quickly shower, get reasonably dry and out to my bus stop just after 8:15. I'm getting a bit more used to the routine, partly because the exercise is causing me to sleep somewhat better. I've lost 3 pounds so far. I have a long, LONG way to go but it's a start, and one I absolutely plan to continue. I also joined a great Christian weight support message board (click their banner below) where I record my daily activity and my weight each week, providing needed accountability. More progress reports coming soon!! "After" pictures will be appearing here yet........
Feb. 9, 2007 - I was very motivated to be faithful with my exercise, and I was for over two months. Then came a triple whammy: several weeks of horrible weather including wind, snow, ice, rain, fog, and sometimes all of the above (which made it challenging to just get out to work let alone getting up over an hour early in the dark); the holidays; and the discouragement of still being in our rundown old mobile when it had seemed certain we would be in our lovely new triplewide for our first Christmas. Then, for the icing on the cake, the Y raised its dues. So I've once again gotten away from exercise, and also stopped visiting the Grace Today group above, at least for now. I still feel certain that when we are FINALLY in our home (where we will also have the room to set up an almost new Nordic Track Walkfit we acquired but presently have no room for) that I will be able to restart AGAIN and keep it up this time. I'm really tired of reporting all these false starts, so maybe I will lay low on this topic for now till I REALLY get on a roll. I still feel it will happen one day, but not today or tomorrow or........?
  
"Dream Orphans" - official font of The Evergreen Refuge - download here
Music MIDI from MIDI Pickings by Harry Todd
|